Let’s talk about what we all feel at some point or another on our journey but don’t share our experience of…I am on a personal journey of being in a constant state of awareness because I don’t want to be caught sleeping when I’m supposed to be living so here goes…In my experience of being in tuned with my artist portal I discovered fear’s footprints in my sanctuary… it is not fear of creating, because I was born to actively share what I create or
PERISH but it is fear OF…non-acceptance… or perhaps fear of failure, fear of little to no income doing this thing that I love because NO ONE ever gets paid to do what they love…fear that as a black woman and a first generation college graduate I need to be doing something more fiscally generative to advance my family’s social status… FEAR OF FEAR ITSELF!
While writing this, I am mortified that I could even come up with these thoughts because this is confirmation that at some point or another they were real manifestations or thoughts that I ran across in society or that… I created myself (GEEZ We are are powerful!)… and NOW in this very moment I want to blow them to shreds with a nuclear missile. FEAR has now turned into shrapnel and inconsequential matter.
So much of what I do as a writer and filmmaker is connected with how I view the world and is translated through the spiritual bifocals that I have acquired on my journey. Malcolm Gladwell speaks of the 10,000 hour theory to mastery, and I would like to go further and join Richard Moss’ conjecture that the 10,000 hour theory also applies to our belief systems and projected realities as spiritual AND ARTISTIC beings. You are what you think about all the time… and “our only sense of who we are is based on a continuous arousal of the stories we tell ourselves” (MOSS)… marinate on this for a moment. Let this sentence sink in in terms of story and a society’s oral history. What is the connection between a culture’s stories and the republics perceived identity? We are what and who we think– into being.
I am constantly surrounded by people who are UBER talented and simultaneously live in a black hole of fear and contraction. How is this possible? If this is you… please BREAK OUT & start living now, life is too short to dote on what you aren’t… JUST BE what you ARE!
When trying to create art there is no room for doubt or fear because you are already unearthing layers of your existence in life to redistribute and reflect into society… you have to be open and vulnerable to so many different emotions and realms of experience that you can’t AFFORD to invite fear into your reality.
I feel like I am now speaking over my own head but this is what is coming out, so I welcome it in the hopes that there is a sliver of truth and resonance in what I am saying that is connected to the process of writing, singing, making visual art, filmmaking, dancing, etc. You just projected into the next portal of the matrix…welcome the growth with open arms and go create your ART & then SHARE IT FEARLESSLY!
I’ve realized I don’t particularly enjoy the manic bustle on other sets outside of my own and the reason being is because the egos and the insane need and attempt to get something in the can by any means necessary just drives me crazy when I’m not the one running the show! My nerves are already bad and to be around a bunch of folks speaking fast, piddling in hierarchy, talking over one another, and frantically trying to figure out how to get the next shot is just too much for zen little ole’ me. Nevertheless, I still do it because a huge part of me just loves the zeal of completing such a big feat in a small amount of time even if I am just one of the many contributors helping to make the film happen, which is the passion filled joy of MAKING FILMS.
Whenever I am on other folks sets I am incredibly amused by the types of conflicts and conversations between keys (heads of departments) that arise. We innately place so much pressure on ourselves to be flawlessly superhuman that from the outside looking in it appears that we are all walking nutcases who need to be committed YESTERDAY–and you know what, perhaps this is a true statement in someone’s universe but I’d like to think that my set is a peaceful paradise where we can create PERFECTION calmly.
I am currently debriefing from a shoot that I recently AD’d and I must say that at times I thought I was gonna walk myself off the plank for a piece of sanity… any infinitesimal piece of it. And…now that I am looking back on the entire experience, I am more the wiser, patient and stronger for having worked on the shoot and this is why we do this… for the almost immediate barometer of progress and growth that is the debriefing process of having written a feature script or worked on a film and the only reason such revelations are possible is because we put a shitload of work into the making of our filmmakers brew.
People who watch films have absolutely no idea but those who work on films can appreciate the two clips I would like to share with you today… Take a look and I hope you find this amusing or somewhat sobering and for those of you who have no idea, this is a little taste of some of the ridiculously amusing parts of our world. You GOTTA LOVE THIS “FILM THANG” to put yourself through any of IT!
During pre-production HELL becomes a reality… but just remember this and make every decision based on this fact and nothing else: It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about you. It only matters what YOU think. And if you are willing to let them think whatever they want to think–about anything, even about you–then you will be able to hold your thoughts steady with who-you-really-are; and you will in time feel good, no matter what.
If you are at a crossroads…revisit your vision and reasons for even embarking upon making the film in the first place and you will recenter yourself and make sound decisions. Do not make decisions out of haste or because you are emotionally distraught. Stay on the lonely path and fight for what you want.
Hello fam! I’d like to share something that recently spilled from my heart to my family. I think that it is not only relevant to my family but to others as well so here it is… BRING ON 2011
We need to take the moment today and say from here on and throughout my life I am going to do something I have never done. We always try to hide behind fear and run from our past in order to cope but God is not calling us to run from that which has made us into the individual people that we are…God has not called us to destroy the ugly patches on our quilts of greatness, God has called us to use what is in our HANDS! And I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if we don’t have the Golden Roman Empire sitting in our hands. God’s challenge to us is to surrender and do what it is that we have never done, rather than surrendering to fear and flaws. The most high has an assignment for us that is BIGGER than our EXCUSES! And if we had the faith of the most high we wouldn’t even be concerned with our insecurities, fear, and excuses because we would know that no matter what as long as we press forward and use what is in our hands that the rest will manifest! If God is for you, no one can be against you and it hurts me that we continuously try to break ourselves down with insecurities and excuses… when we can’t afford to because there are plenty of folk on the outside who are going to do that deed willingly! Stop spending time dwelling on yourself and your inadequacies and do God a favor and do the work that you have been called to do. We disgrace our ancestors and the most high each and every second that we make excuses for why we can’t obtain our greatness and I’m not going to be a part of that anymore! We are not helpless, we are hopeful. We are not weak, we are strong! We stand on the shoulders of some powerful energy and if we don’t forge forward through the hard times to manifest our golden age then we might as well perish and I mean that! God sees something in all of us that we may even be blind to ourselves. And we need to work through spirit and God to honor our calling no matter what flaws and fears we have because there are a million strengths that we posses that outweigh those things! As a family and as individuals we must be strong and continue to evolve and stop crying and wallowing in shame and sorrow because of minute issues that even God has looked past in order to call us to do what is that God knows we are capable of doing with exactly what is in our HANDS! Yes I am fired up and infuriated but it is only because I love all of you and I want you to see the best in yourself as God does and not the worst because there are plenty of evil people and energies out there just waiting to do that! We must get over ourselves and stop making EXCUSES and put our faith in our DESTINY NOT our FLAWS, FAILURES, and FEAR!
TAKE CHARGE IN 2011!
I was sitting here at work listening to my party mix on itunes and working on my script and then this song came on. Just perfect! I absolutely love this song and I thought I would share it with my Cinema Blogosphere.
Can you imagine droplets of water bouncing eternally on a high hat hoping to be evaporated by the sunshine? This song represents all things lost–all things hoped for– all things desired and the inevitability that nothing is guaranteed. Here are the lyrics:
Don’t get any big ideas
They’re not gonna happen
You paint yourself white
And fill up with noise
But there’ll be something missing
Now that you’ve found it, it’s gone
Now that you feel it, you don’t
You’ve gone off the rails
So don’t get any big ideas
They’re not gonna happen